Destin(ation) Weekend

Alright welcome back everyone!  I hope you enjoyed your 3 day weekend (for those of you who had a 3 day weekend).  As I mentioned before, I hastily planned a trip up to Destin to see my good friend RT who lives in the area.  What I did not anticipate was Tropical Depression Lee wreaking havoc on the beaches and leaving me unable to get a tan over the holiday weekend.  So what did I do this weekend?  Well read on impatient blog reader…read on.

I drove up on Friday and made it into Niceville fairly late…onto Saturday.  Saturday began as all Saturday’s in September begin…with me craving football.  Because RT had to work until 5, I decided to make my way to a sports bar to catch all the games I could.  Now, there are no shortage of sports bars in the Destin area, but on this day, there was not a spot in any of them.  I literally spent 2 hours driving around Destin looking for a spot to grab a beer…turns out, a 3 day weekend mixed with rain storms, mixed with the relatively centralized location of Destin is a bad combination for a kid from SoDak (who doesn’t know any better) to watch football games.  Thankfully I found a spot in TGI Fridays (and they had IPA…which was nice).  After a few beers (and after RT showed up post work), I began to sing the Florida Gators fight song…poorly…which provoked a few Seminole fans to yell some brash insults in my general direction.  It was at this time that RT decided it was time to go.

Later that night, we made our way to an area known as Baytowne (which I chronicled in an earlier post).  We went there because there was a band playing who’s lead singer/guitarist had taught himself how to play guitar in less than a year…and when I say he taught himself to play guitar in less than a year…I mean, he was literally able to play the guitar so well that he played it in 4 different ways besides the regular way.  He played it 1.) Behind his back, 2.) While standing behind a smoking hot blonde, 3.) With his feet, and 4.) With his teeth.  This is the part of the post where I tell you he was also autistic and had 3 girlfriends. (Note: and this is the part of the post where you all nod and say to yourselves “that makes sense”)

So while the band was doing its thing and Wisconsin Lunchboxes were flowing, RT and I began to discuss high school.  More importantly, we began to discuss who could beat up whom at this point in our lives.  For those of you who know me, I’m not the kind of person who thinks he’s going to lose…at anything…ever.  Long story short, I lost a wrestling match which allegedly took place in a courtyard and lasted roughly 30 seconds after I repeatedly hit RT in the ear (again…allegedly).  Seeing this disturbance, a short, out-of-shape, 40-something by-stander asked us where we were from and if we would mind wrestling him…now I don’t have the urge to wrestle random strangers…especially fat shirtless men who boisterously claim they wrestled at Iowa…but RT does.  So RT and this “golf ball” (aptly nicknamed because he is as tall as he is wide and has weird body dimples) get into their match. “Golf Ball” starts to taunt RT the following “conversation” took place:

Golf Ball: “you ain’t gonna shoot!”

RT (shoots):  “aahhh! Take down bitch”

Golf Ball: “That was so cheap!”

RT (with his elbow hooked around Golf Ball’s neck): “How was that cheap? You dared me to shoot!”

Golf Ball (with what AS in Chicago would call and OVER-reaction): “YOU WANNA SHOOT!? I’LL GO GET MY .44 AND WE’LL SEE WHO WANTS TO SHOOT!!!”

At this point, RT let go and we decided events had gone a little too far.  Thankfully, Golf Ball had a friend who sort-of took him away.  Of course, this was not before he yelled more about how cheap RT was…to which I responded with a provoking “I remember my first wrestling match!” (note: this was stupid)  After they left, we decided not to stick around to find out whether he actually had a gun…and besides…it was getting late.

The next morning we had to wake up early to pick up RT’s 2 year old son…who is awesome (and loves to play Angry Birds...pretty sure he beat several of my high scores when he borrowed my iPhone).  The 3 of us went to a place called Buffalo’s Reef which had the vaunted claim of serving hot wings with the original recipe that was used at the Anchor Bar in Buffalo, New York (the place that invented buffalo wings)  We sat down and perused the menu noting that there are hot wings and “super” hot wings.  The hot wings…were delicious.  They were spicy, flavorful, and amazing.  When mixed with their home-made bleu cheese dressing, I dare say they are the best wings that can be produced with human hands.  The “super” hot wings on the other hand…let me tell you about these “super” hot wings.

The “super” hot wings come with simple unassuming warning “If you order SUPER HOT wings, you’d better be PREPARED.”  After reading the warning and listening to the waitress tell me not to order them…I ordered the minimum count of ten and eagerly awaited their arrival.  (At this point, I didn’t know that they use pure Capsaicin membrane (which is the purest form of what makes up the pungency of a hot pepper…you can’t get hotter than this) and then cut it with their hot sauce…no, this would be explained to me after I tried the wings.)  When they were placed in front of me, I grabbed one and took a nice big bite…it tasted horrible.  It literally tasted like death…but the heat hadn’t hit me yet, so I took another big bite…then…all at once, my body seized up.  I started dripping sweat and my arms instinctively threw the rest of the wing down onto the table.  My mouth felt like someone took the sun, condensed it down to a bite size piece and then dressed it up in a cute little chicken wing costume.  My eyes puffed out, tears dripped down my face, my nose began to run, and worst of all my lips turned a weird shade of purplish-red (note: my lips are still raw from all the skin I lost…over share?...too bad!  I was in agony!).  To make matters worse, every sip of beverage I took down was like gasoline (both in taste and effect on my mouth).

(Side story: I now have 9 “super” hot wings left over in my fridge if anyone is hungry.  Just send me your address and they’re yours…I won’t even charge you for shipping.  Just promise to video tape yourself eating it and we’ll call it even)

Sunday night ended with RT and I watching Hell’s Kitchen for hours on end.  After the first episode, we made a drinking game where you have to take a drink every time Chef Ramsay says Risotto…I dare anyone to successfully play make it through the first 4 episodes of this season while playing this game with their dignity intact…I repeat…I DARE YOU. (Note: I now expect to get roughly 15 texts next weekend telling me that you all tried the game...and got owned)

Overall it was a great weekend!  RT was a fantastic host and we solidified some plans to catch a couple Gator games in the next month or so.  Battling TD Lee on my way back east through the panhandle kept my drive back to the HLC interesting, but I made it!  I think I doubled the amount of rain I’ve seen in my life on that one trip.  We already have a story for SCT this week so you’re all off the hook.  See you back here in a couple days!